A while back, I made the decision to give up one of my jobs. This was an amazing opportunity to do something wonderful and special and was a perfect fit for me. Except it wasn’t. There is more than one reason at play here and I won’t burden you with any of them. I know I did the right thing for me, and I truly thought I would feel a sense of relief. Not so much. Here’s what I feel: Disappointment, in myself that I wasn’t immediately perfect. Guilt, in letting down my boss who invested a lot in me and my training, Inadequacy, how could I not have been great at this? I should have been f***ing great at this! Sadness, there were times when this truly was a complete and utter joy. So as I’m sitting with all these feelings, searching for the relief that I was hoping for, I see a speck of light here and there. I see the time Y came over after class and sat in my lap. I see the faces of C and O and S as they watch me being silly. I hear a clap, or a la la in the perfect place. I see a smile on a face that for the first couple of days, was covered in tears. And I know that this might have been the perfect fit at the perfect time in my life. That I might have been amazing with a few years of experience. And I also realized that I’m not at that perfect time anymore. I truly believe it is never too late to start something new, and I am living proof of that. I started three new endeavors within the last two years. I’m crushing this stage in my life. But maybe four jobs is one too many. Maybe I am spread a wee bit thin. Maybe I am getting fatter as I spread myself thinner…wait. What were we talking about? Ah, right. So, what’s the point? It’s ok to not be great at everything. It’s ok to step back from something because it’s just not right, right now. It feels crappy, like I failed, like I’m a quitter, blah, blah, blah. Those feelings live rent free in my head at any given time anyway, they just decided to have a little party. And left me to clean up. Why do I always have to clean up? Oh, right, it’s my house.
Getting vintage 