I’m turning 64 in two weeks. 64. How the f*%# is that possible? Wasn’t I 18, like, five minutes ago? I will admit that this upcoming birthday is particularly fraught, but you’ve been on the receiving end of all that before so Imma spare you. This time. I think I’m going to share a little of what I’ve learned instead. So, for those of you who are fans of my particular brand of passive-aggressive hilarity, go ahead and skip ahead. Or don’t. I’m not your mother, I can’t tell you what to do.

• Jelly Beans have no beans in them.
• There’s no such thing as full coverage makeup.
• Every person on this earth matters.
• You are not your job. Or lack of.
• When fear or sadness sticks in your throat, sing.
• When you feel like crying, laugh
• When you feel like you have nothing to give, look deeper.
• Create. Throw it out. Start again
• Don’t do anything just to impress others. If you don’t believe it, or love it, don’t do it.
• Life sucks sometimes. And sometimes those sometimes feel like forever. They aren’t.
• Boundaries rule.
• Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey.
• No matter how much you want to, you can’t be someone else.
• If it isn’t yours, don’t take it.
• Bonanza totally dropped the ball on the death of Hoss Cartwright.
• You will never have enough until you believe you have enough.
• If you look back with regret, and forward with fear, you’re peeing on today.
• Fake it ‘till you make it.

Words. Just words. One step forward. Two steps back. Working. Not working. Creating. Not creating. Down a pound. Up three. Richer. Poorer. Winning. Losing. Laughing. Crying. Singing. Loving. Yearning. Learning. Envy. Joy. Loss. Friendship. Family. Worthiness. Strength. Courage. Young. Old. Just words. All of the words that make up 64 years. All snuggled up in your brain, vying for attention. So one more thing,

• Stop living in your head and get out of your own way. Live every word that comes your way.

http://www.carynjune.com

I know, in theory, that rehashing the same nonsense over and over again is pretty much the definition of insanity, but I’m fresh out of wisdom. I’ve outgrown my growth. I’m feeling deflated and a bit defeated. I’m defleated. I can’t find a job. I was turned down again for the group that overrides all of the big art shows, so I’m questioning my creativity, and even on stage, usually my happy place, I’m struggling a bit with my confidence. Right now, I’m sitting on my ass scrolling Facebook and playing Bingo, and the most I’ve accomplished is cleaning my kitchen floor. And let’s be honest, it’s not all that clean. If I close my eyes and play pin the tail on the blog post, I guarantee I will be talking about the same f*^%ing thing. It’s like a line of ants, following each other mindlessly until they reach that breadcrumb or anthill or death. The only way to stop it is to break that line. Hmmmm. Nope. I’m stumped. I have no idea. No idea how to break the line, no idea what to do, I don’t even know what the next sentence is. I’m stuck. Paralyzed. Paraluck. Paraluck and defleated. There ya go. Imma just sit here and combine words together to make other stupid words. That should get me at least through the next five minutes of my life. Hey. It’s a start…

Picnic Pin

http://www.carynjune.com