I’m Fine. Everything is Fine.

It’s four in the morning and I’ve exhausted every technique for falling asleep. So let me keep you all up too. I recently started seeing a new cardiologist just to have one in my ever-growing arsenal of doctors. I heard her speak at an event about menopause and she recommended I do all the usual tests since it had been some years since my last results. This week I found out that my echocardiogram showed some plaque in my aorta. So she wants me to have a cardiac cat scan. Whaaaat? So immediately I’m googling this s*#t and freaking out and she’s a little concerned cause an echo doesn’t usually show plaque, and it could just be a shadow or maybe it’s a f*^%ing river of plaque waiting to kill me. And so I’m finally scared into eating healthy and getting regular exercise. ‘Course it’s only been like 5 minutes so how regular has it really been? But I stoically pass up ice cream at our sisterhood meeting at a local ice cream place and have an iced coffee instead. But it’s 8:00 at night and why the actual hell do I think that’s a good idea? Spoiler alert. It is not. So, here I am at 4:18 in the morning. Waiting to die. Now the irony of this whole situation is not lost on me. For decades I’ve been eating like I have 2 asses, (TY, Mama Rocco), and wondering what it would take to get me to stop. Possible heart disease? Har har. That’ll do it. And yes, stress and poor sleep are two of the things that affect cholesterol so, heh heh…K, it’s obvious that I have not been taking this aging thing seriously at all. So, yes, things are gonna have to change. And to all my friends and loved ones, I apologize in advance, because at least for a little while, it’s gonna be all about me and my s*#t. I will spill the tea to anyone who’ll listen. But I’m also going to try and not be scared. I mean, for the next hour and twenty-five minutes until I have to get up? Imma be scared. But after that? I’ll still be scared, but that’s ok. As long as the fear spurs strength and maybe a good choice or two? I think my heart will be ok.