Checkmate

So, I’m entering week two of the “Conscious Cleanse”, a regimen in which I don’t eat dairy, gluten or sugar. No caffeine, tomatoes, eggs, or alcohol. It is vegetable-heavy, with legumes, nuts, seeds, lean “animal protein”, and healthy fats allowed. I was inspired by my sister, who is pretty health-conscious in general, and had chosen Passover to start her cleanse. I, of course, thought she was insane. No chocolate-covered matzohs? No fruit slices? What’s the point of having a Seder if you don’t eat hard-boiled eggs like you’ve never seen one before? Isn’t that one of the four questions? Nonetheless, inspired I was, and as I have been feeling like Jabba the Hut lately, I thought now is the time. I initially thought I’d wait a week, to “prepare”. But as anyone who knows me knows, “preparing” generally involves talking myself out of doing something I really don’t want to do. So I bought the book on Sunday, stocked up on nuts and seeds and raw almond butter and dove right in. The first couple of days were, to put it mildly, a little rough. I was cranky, I had a caffeine-withdrawal headache, and I really wanted a bagel. I hated Jo and Jules, who perkily informed us we might want to get our own nut milk bag, so we can make our own hemp milk, and if we wanted our puréed soups a little warmer, we could leave them in the blender for 5 minutes. Yeah, I’m not making my own almond milk and if I want something a little warmer, I’m tossing it in the microwave. And isn’t hemp the stuff they make rope out of? So, I bought organic hummus, I treated myself to an iced coffee with store-bought almond milk with the girls on Sunday, I probably went a little heavy on the fruit and avocado, and light on the veggies, and one night I had turkey kielbasa in tomato sauce. But at the end of the week, I realized I liked a lot of what I was eating. I love Swiss chard sautéed in a little coconut oil and garlic, I like almond milk and stevia in my coffee. And I lost quite a bit of weight. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t as raw and perfect as the authors might be, but baby steps are steps. It just takes a little longer to get where you’re going. And if you step on a crack, or pick the wrong square, turn around and pick another. Checkmate.