Ima Just Hold my Breath ’till I Get What I Want. 

I took the day off today. Again. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to go see my PCP so I could get a referral for physical therapy. Which, BTW, I already have from the doctor who did my  surgery. But, no I need one from my PCP, who won’t give it to me without a visit. A $60 visit. I have not shed a single tear since I fell. But yesterday, dealing with the red tape blankety-blank b%•*^#t, I became a bit of a blubbery mess. I than went home and ate an entire box of Skinny Cow ice cream bars. Sidebar: Have you ever actually seen a skinny cow? No. No you have not. I wish I could say that it was a rough day, and one day isn’t going to derail my otherwise healthy habits. (Spoiler alert: can’t.)  You’ve all heard the saying, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”? I had coffee with my wise friend, Gila. She is a great sounding board, because she does not tolerate bullshit. She knows what her priorities are, and will not budge on making sure her needs are met. Whatever sacrifices there may be, she is willing to pay the price to keep herself healthy and vibrant. I can picture myself, healthier, leaner, able to dance my way through my vintage years. It’s like Alice looking through the Looking Glass. The healthy me is downward dogging on the other side while the me on this side is rolling around in jellybeans. Am I using my injury as an excuse to do absolutely nothing? Without a doubt. I’ve been playing this game my entire life. There’s always something else l have to do that keeps me from doing what I know is good for me. Oh, crap, I was gonna go to the gym, but I have to eat this donut instead. It’s a running joke at work. When I go off the rails, I really go off the rails. It’s hilarious. Until it’s not. So, what’s next? I don’t quite know how to answer that. I know what I’d like to say. That’s it, enough. I’m going to commit to the things that will make me healthy, physically, emotionally, financially. But I think I will say nothing. After a while it’s like listening to Charlie Brown’s mom. “Wha wha wha wha.” So for now, Ima just hold my breath….


Calaveras 

carynjune

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