This is an epic fail. It happens. A lot. It can’t be fixed, so it will be “sold for parts”. Bits and pieces of it will go into other pieces. It’s frustrating AF but it does carry its perverse silver lining. All mistakes help us learn what to do and what not to do the next time. But here’s the tricky part. At least for me. What is the lesson and how do I learn it without spiraling into the dreaded “I suck, why am I not as good as (Insert Name/s Here)” quicksand. I have been flailing around in this pit since childhood. I go into something 75% and am shocked and mortified when I don’t get the accolades I expected. And then, I start with the “I suck…”well, you know the rest. And then. I quit. I am not a professional actress, not because I don’t have the talent, but because I wanted to be a working actress with only half the work. And the response was lukewarm so…I quit. I am fortunate enough to be part of a group of women in my synagogue who are diverse, and accomplished and talented. And I find myself more often than not feeling less than. Not because I don’t have anything to offer, but because I don’t yet know how to offer it. Or even what “IT” is. Perhaps that is the lesson. No one becomes a master of anything without hard work and asking for help. Maybe instead of being heartbroken when I don’t go from A to Z in 5 minutes, I need to explore the rest of the alphabet. To figure out what my “IT” is. And to fling it joyfully in the world’s face, epic fails and all. And the biggest lesson of all? To learn from all the amazing women in our lives. Not to be them.