Ok, you know how everyone’s doing this ice bucket challenge right now to raise awareness for ALS? Well I got challenged by a friend at work and I was a little stressy about it. I don’t have a backyard, who’s gonna film it if my hubby is working, why did she have to pick me? While this is all stewing in my over cluttered brain, a colleague at work, someone I didn’t knew, got struck and killed by a drunk driver crossing the street to get a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts, something I do all the time. I decide, instead of ALS to donate to Mothers Against Drunk Driving in his name. So, I film myself giving this heartfelt speech about how I’m not gonna pour ice water on my head and blah, blah, blah, and I think I’m off the hook. Oh no. You cannot believe how many people called me chicken!! I’m being all heartfelt and meaningful and…chicken? Now, I know I’m being teased with a lot of love, but there is a kernel of truth. Everybody wants to look good, accomplished, beautiful, interesting. Social Media ratchets that up a thousand percent. Look how great I am, look at what I do, who I’m with, where I’ve been. No cracks in the facade. I hate being made to look foolish. Hate it. It’s the reason I was a good actress, not a great one. I believe the talent was there. The ability to let go 100% and possibly make a complete ass of myself was not. So maybe there is a part of me that just didn’t want to look like a big drowned rat on Facebook. But as I watched one of the loveliest young women I know get doused, I was dazzled by her huge smile and I thought, ‘chicken, huh?’ So I grabbed my husband, corralled our super to hold the phone and made an ass of myself. But as I watched myself get soaked, I also saw the big dazzling smile. The cracks in the facade? Beautiful.

Cracks in the Sidewalk #1, #2, #3
carynjune