Where the Hell Did That Come From?!?

So this morning, as I’m getting ready, I decide to pluck a few of the wild eyebrow hairs I inherited from my dad. I get dressed, put on a little lipstick, and do a last minute check in the mirror and what do I see nestled in my hair? A big gray eyebrow hair. No big deal. I’ll just pull it off. This proves to be a little harder than it sounds. Every time I try and grab that sucker, it seems to get more entrenched in my hair. And the more I play with my hair, the more static-y and flyaway it gets. So now I look like I stuck my finger in a light socket and there’s a big gray eyebrow hair taking up residence on my head. These are the horrors of aging that no one ever tells you about. Oh, sure we talk about losing our parents, our spouses, worrying about retirement, getting sick, dying. But does anyone really speak of the truly scary stuff? The crepe-y skin on your neck. The lumps and bumps and hair that appear in odd places and never go away. The little “oy” that escapes you every time you get up. The hemorrhoids, the gas! Oh the humanity! There are those who embrace aging with grace and dignity. Who accept each line and crack as hard-earned, a sign of wisdom and beauty. There are those who hold on to youth with every ounce of strength and money they possess. They nip, they tuck, they wear the perpetual ear-to-ear smile and surprised expression of one too many face lifts, while their hands and their husbands give away their real age. I’m somewhere in between. I color my hair, I dress in a loose, funky style that I consider hip and young, but which my nieces probably roll their eyes at as crazy. Would I try plastic surgery? Maybe, if I had the money. But when I look at my face, including those ridiculous eyebrows, I see my dad. And that hair? The spare tire, the dowager’s hump? My mom. I am a patchwork quilt of those who came before me. And I will be part of the quilt that my nieces will wrap around themselves throughout their lives. And even when they are worn and faded and a little threadbare, they’ll still keep them warm.