One of my many, (ok, 6), loyal readers wished me a happy birthday yesterday and capped it with “looking forward to the birthday blog!” Well here it is. The birthday blog. The. Birthday. Blog. No pressure. Ok, here goes…no, wait…I said that last year. Should I open with a joke? Alrighty. “A priest, a rabbi and the birthday girl walk into a bar….”oh , please, everyone’s heard that one. Wow. This is harder than I thought. Should I be witty, pithy, profound, all three??!!? I can totally do this. Deep breath. I guess, the truth is my birthday is just another day. Except I get cake, and flowers, and well wishes from people near and far, all of which I love. And this year I got a walloping case of vertigo. I’m sure it was just a coincidence that I woke up in the wee hours of my 57th birthday, turned over in bed and felt the whole room spin. Ugh. Now, I’ve had this before. Once a year or so, something goes awry in my inner ear and I’m like the ball in a pinball machine, smacking the walls and careening off of fellow commuters. It kind of sucks, but usually a Dramamine helps and it passes. This seems to be hanging on a little longer and responding less to the Dramamine and Sinus medication I’ve been hurling at it. And haven’t I been getting a twinge or two in the same place on the left side of my head? This isn’t just an inner ear issue. This is a brain tumor! All that artificial sweetener finally caught up with me! Oh no! Now I’m going to have to figure out how to get an MRI with my terrible claustrophobia, and move to a right-to-die state while I can still make decisions for myself. Why, oh why does my 57th birthday have to be my last? Seriously? Deep breath, girl. So last night, as my birthday waned, and I tried to figure out a way to get comfortable without barfing, I had taken quite a few Dramamine and a couple of sinus pills. And my heart was doing a little tap dance inside my chest. Wait. Is it skipping a beat? Is that an arrhythmia? That’s why I’m so dizzy. I have a heart condition! Too much salt. Too much sugar. Too much fat. Not enough exercise. I am going to die of a heart attack!! Or a Brain Tumor!!! And get this!! I’ve been eating whatever I want for months. Candy, Chocolate, pizza, you name it. And the last 2 weeks…? I actually lost some weight. How is that possible? Cancer! That’s how! Yep. My birthday was just another day. Ok, obviously, if I don’t feel better soon I will go to the doctor. And it will probably be an inner ear thing. But better to be prepared for the worst and hope for the best, right? Maybe. Always preparing for the worst is exhausting. Remember when we were kids and crying over nothing, and our parents would say, “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Life is like that wise parent. Stop whining, worrying, and borrowing trouble. There will be plenty to cry about in a good long life, without conjuring things up in your head. Uh oh, Honduras is having a chikungunya epidemic. I bet I have that.