I’m home sick today. I’ve caught this weird cold-y flu-y thing. No head cold really, just a bad cough and a low fever which is making me achy and cranky. The whole thing is sort of weird and makes me wonder if I’m making myself sick. If I’ve created this weird Munchausen thing to keep me safe. I’m sick, but not really badly say your goodbyes sick. Making this even stranger for anyone not living in my head, is that this comes on the heels of a commitment to eat better and exercise after my last physical. How interesting. I can’t go to the gym, I’m siiiick. Uh huh. Uh huh. Ok, now I’ve passed even my own limits of crazy. This is not to say I’m lying when I say I don’t feel well, or that there isn’t a thing going around that I certainly could have caught. But making myself sick just to get out of the gym? That’s ridiculous!!! Except it’s not really. We all know that stress and illness are buddies. Bosom buddies. Yes, even the happiest, most stress free peeps get sick. But it’s not unheard of for stress and anxiety to make one sick. Or worse. A dear friend of mine died when her heart stopped inexplicably. No reason. Except for years of anxiety issues. All I really know is that right now, I’ve got this thing. And next time it might be another thing. How long until I’m really sick. Or worse. Ok. Imma stop this journey right now. It serves literally no purpose. I’m going to continue to eat well, exercise, talk with my therapist and per her advice add meditation to my day. Funny sidebar here. When I started typing meditation it came up medication. Snort. If I’m capable of making myself sick, I’m more than capable of making myself well. So, I have this thing. Just a cold. Nothing to worry about.

Charlotte

carynjune